untitled

she smiles even though she's unhappy
she can't bear to let them know
though she laughs and enjoys things
people, flowers, activities
she hurts and cannot make it go away
they tell her to just shrug it off
to stop being lazy and DO something
occasionally she does, but it never works
it never fixes the brokenness she feels
she'll be happy for a month
a week, a day
but it always comes back
creeping out of no where
a storm blown in from the east
to blot out the sun
it eats her soul from inside
makes her worry, makes her doubt
though she trusts explicitly
she cannot trust herself
now and then she opens up
she tells someone her pain
some brush it off
some offer pity and comfort
rarely do they share it
make it less, make her whole
she turns inside herself
more comfortable there than exposed
though outwardly she is friendly
longing for companionship
she's afraid of being a burden
terrified of causing someone else
to bear her pain
she martyrs herself needlessly
and even though she knows it
she cannot stop
no amount of good advice
of cheering friendship
of loving embrace
can seem to keep the clouds at bay
so, she holds it in when she can
she deals with it
she moves on as best she can
never letting the world know
how her heart breaks so often
how her self-confidence wars
with the destruction of self-doubt
how she hurts for everyone, for everything
so that the only way to function
the only way to live
to find some measure of happiness
with herself and the world
is to shut herself off from it at times
close her heart, her ears, her head
and be alone to cry